Poly week Day 1- Where I Stand

Welcome to poly week you beautiful mangoes! I will start by saying that I am a polyamorous woman…but Aine, what does that mean?...well…it means different things to different people. Let us explore my version shall we?

This picture is from the wonderful account @polyamoro.us on Instagram

My version? I see multiple people that I share my life, love, body and time with in different ways.

In a brief snapshot I have always been monogamous and although I knew people dated multiple people, I wasn’t aware of non-monogamy or poly as a way of life. I believed what we are essentially taught; one man, one woman together forever, no one else, forever, and we seek everything from that. Which is also fine by the way! In no way this week will I be telling you why you shouldn’t be monogamous; I do not believe that and these are all just my own experience.

And I am not going to lie, I was ok with that. I will talk later in the week on my thoughts of poly vs. monogamy. The thing is, I met Tom and I wanted him. He was honest with me from the start about his wife and that they were open. At this point I could have backed out, I could have said “no thanks, that’s not for me” but I didn’t. I checked with his wife that everything was as he said and then…well… we rocked on with it.

I wouldn’t say I went in blindly but I did go in lust first and once I realised that the lust would continue I figured I would do my homework. Talk to other poly people, read some books (which will come on day 6 of poly week) Now look, I am giving you the bare bones here, but it is because there were so many thought paths I took through the last 10 months and not all of it was plain sailing. Where I am now? In love with Tom. He is my boyfriend and he has a wife who I love like a sister. I call her Sister Wife because sharing a partner, to us, means more than just friendship, it means family.

I also sleep with other people, form connections with other people and, someday, will settle down and marry somebody. Tom also sees other people, as does Frankie. This does not diminish my love for Tom in any way or the dynamic we have created. It also does not mean my love for someone in the future will be less than or greater than. Will things change? Yes. For the better? Yes. With all of the communication? There is no other way to do it. I have learnt to talk my feelings instead of project them and attack them. Communicating better than I think I have ever done.

I had no idea I could have this life and be open and honest about who I am and what I want. I now have relationship dynamics where I can ask for what I want. Not only that, I have my own hobbies, my own life, I have given up nothing but monogamy and honestly, I am kind of glad I broke the addiction to one person.

I will carry on this week posting every day on my own experiences, thoughts and am happy to answer any questions you may have. Also beyond poly week I will be sharing my life in these dynamics with you as a way to document my life but also, in the hopes, of allowing not only the people in my life, but strangers, understand a way of life that has not been around very long.Before you pass any judgment, have a conversation with me. I get this isn’t for everybody, but I have a week dedicated to Polyamory and I am proud of that fact. So you better believe I am going to shout it from multiple rooftops…see what I did there :P

Small disclaimer:I wrote these in the week of February and now we are in isolation I figured, hey, why not get a blog going. I have not gone insane, I am aware we are in March/April and not February.