Day 2-What we seek
In this post I aim to give you a little knowledge bomb on the thoughts I have had on the things we seek from other humans.
Tom and I
We both high fived my screen…bet you want to now too.
One of my earliest school reports said (Aine seems to stand on the outside and watch and only moves in once she feels it is safe) Well obviously! I needed to know who the sticky children were so I didn't end up with glue in my hair! Ok, jokes aside, this isn't quite accurate. It is true that I waited before going and playing with others, but what I remember in my small developing brain, was that I was waiting for a signal from another child. A signal to say it was safe, I will accept you for who you are, we will care for each other in this scary new world our parents have left us in, you can stick pasta strands to this plate and I am ok with that .
When we are kids and into our early teens we seek the basics, right? Love from our parents, friendship, and people to guide us such as family members, teachers or caregivers. It is all pretty simple. Then we hit puberty and we freak out because suddenly our bodies, followed by our brains, are seeking something else, a connection, and it all becomes less simple. Sometimes we seek varied connections, one out of lust and need to fulfil sexual urges, sometimes one out of just intimacy, being held and hugged, like a squishy cushion for your brain to sit on.
When I set out on this poly journey I started to pay more attention to what we seek, on basic childlike levels and also as a fully-fledged adult woman. What we seek from our relationships can be different to what we seek from our friendships. Yet, what I am finding in polyamory is that there is much more of a crossover than in monogamy, that comfortable intimacy I seek with Tom I am now seeking in more of my friendships. This means I hug more and I feel closer to the people in my life, not just mentally but physically.
For example, I went to have lunch with an old friend, she cooked on my request because her food is incredible and we played cards. whilst we played cards, I realised I was sat with her at close proximity under a blanket. This small intimacy made me smile and I congratulated myself, silently, for how far I have come in allowing a close , platonic, friendship to unfold.
When Tom and I started to actually date, I went on a date with somebody else and realised I was asking myself; Why? I have Tom. What am I looking for elsewhere? And, if I am honest, it is a question I ask myself every time I date or flirt with somebody. For me, it isn’t about looking for something else somewhere else but that I make connections with people, and I want the opportunity to explore that wherever that may lead. It could lead to friendship, cuddle buddies, sex, love, or all the above. The fact that I now have these options has opened up a part of my brain that has been stagnant and going along with the status quo. So here I am seeking out what I want and having the freedoms to do so.
Up next is Poly vs Monogamy with a heavy dose of communication!