Day 4- Lust, Casual, Cuddle, Love

Frankie, Tom and, yep you guessed it, me

 When we want somebody, we know about it, at least I do. For me, it takes roughly 20 seconds to know if I am into someone sexually. Now here is the fun part, my body always knows before my brain does, It is often my head yelling at my loins to have a cold shower because I have stuff to do today! And now we are in isolation, a blade of grass moves in a certain direction and I want to lick it. My body matured a lot faster than my brain did, so I have always leaped before I looked. I have honed this as I have aged, there is now less jumping and more delicately side stepping to what I want to lick.

Look, I am going to be wildly honest here; when I first met Tom I wanted him, for sexy time (that is the grown up way of putting it, thank you very much) and looking back on how our first date went I am pretty sure he would agree.And as we carried on it went from lust to casual to dating to falling in love. I then started to think about, well if I am in love with Tom now, do I need or want anything else? Until I started to read and watch and meet people in the poly community and had a very wonderful realisation; I don’t have to have the same dynamic with every person I enter into something with. It can be long term or short term and shockingly, for little miss insatiable over here, it didn’t even have to be sexual. What I was noticing is some people had partners they just cuddled with, maybe multiple partners they cuddled with. Some have people they connect with so much more than friends that they just want to talk well into the night with and have that emotional connection. Then there is the good old-fashioned, friend with benefits, which as we grow up is probably more called casual dating.I cannot tell you the joy I get from discovering that I can have all of these aspects of a relationship with different people. This is not to say that one person doesn’t have the capacity to give you all of these things but it can alleviate a strain in a relationship.I am London born and raised and as such have been raised to perhaps not be as touchy feely as other communities. I have touched people, both platonically and sexually, more in the last year than I ever have in the 30 years on this earth. This is due to the casual connections and loving connections I have made through polyamory.I end this post with an example of this and a little picture of how my reactions and intimacies have changed. Tom’s wife Frankie and I were sat on the sofa one day watching TV in our lounging clothes, because we are classy ladies, and we were sat close to one another. I realised that if I rested my leg on Frankies knee, instead of sat like a squashed cabbage,  I would be much more comfortable. So… I did. And then I realised I had been holding my breath the whole time I was doing it . Frankie, without even a second thought, put her hand on my leg like it was nothing at all and it that moment I relaxed. It was a place I was allowed to me, a club I am a member of and it held, for a brief moment, some real no holds barred comfort.

Frankie looking lovely…And well…me..4 glasses in.

Lust, casual, cuddle, love has allowed me to be closer to friends that I drifted from and just bloody hug people until their eyes pop out
Next Up tomorrow is The tough stuff