Day 5- The Tough Stuff

Now before you start getting all your bedding out and inviting everyone you know round for a cuddle party to see if poly is for you, I am going to give you the hard stuff (stop that) because it isn’t all as rosy as all that.

Everything I have said so far is my own experience and opinion. I am in no way an expert and there is a separate post which lists some of the books and people who have really helped me  since discovering polyamory. I say this because today I talk about the tough stuff I have experienced going from mono to poly and just being polyamorous in general.

The first thing I will say is YES, you better believe I get jealous. Just because I am happy for my partner to see other people and he is happy for me to see other people and Frankie is happy for me and Tom, it doesn’t mean jealousy isn’t a thing. There will be a separate post about whether FOMO may just be a type of jealousy but this is not for today. It is difficult when issues arise that we cannot immediately discuss because we are not together all the time. This means making the most of of the time we are together to communicate these issues and try to come up with solutions.

Now look, these solutions are not immediate and also things take time to evolve and be put into place. Sometimes a lot of the time we are making it up as we go along and redefining our relationships all the time. What worked five months ago may not work anymore and that has to be addressed. I have said it before and I will scream it again: COMMUNICATION. People can be afraid of communication in case it comes across as needy, over bearing, too talkative or up tight which we are taught are all really bad things for us to be, especially women.

We could not be where we are now if we had not given each other the space to speak freely and with emotion but also with respect. Tom and I have allowed each other the space to be vulnerable when needed but also frustrated when called for. Now a little bit of honesty here, I have cried. A lot, because there have been some eye opening moments and some heartache moments, for everyone. One of the mountains I had to stretch my inflexible leg over I have also been angry and frustrated. I am Irish and passionate, it happens. BUT nothing that I have felt has ever been ignored or glossed over. I have felt brave in communicating all of these things and feeling ever happier for it. I have also laughed till I cried, and I have loved with all my heart, and I have yelled until I haven’t and then apologised. This is not perfect but my god it is better than anything I could have wished for and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I am polyamorous for the wonderful and for the hard times